I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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