im holly from the hills drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
