no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
