Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
