Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
