so that wasnt chicken after all
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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