It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
