We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize