u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
