He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
