So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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