I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
