White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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