Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
