i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
