i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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