dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
