If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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