In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
