Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
