whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You made out with two different species that night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
