my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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