okay pat passed out under dana's car
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
