Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
