It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
