so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nutella sex= disaster
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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