I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
