I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
