not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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