fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
