3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
