Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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