no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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