I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Randomize
