You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
