90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
