And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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