Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
