Non-Jews are for practice
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
