It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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