Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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