Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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