I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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