God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
