Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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