He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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