I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize