So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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