It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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