is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my shit smells like andre
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
