I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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