I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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