two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize