i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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