I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
