i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
