so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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