Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
