Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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