Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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