WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
