My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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