Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
