She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
