when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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