I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He kissed a someone with a penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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