i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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