he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
