Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
