Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
