I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
