I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
