Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
