Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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