Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
