Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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