No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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