Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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