I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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