my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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