My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
