If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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