we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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