on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
