sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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