I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
