I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
