Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
