2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
