even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
