you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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