P.S. I can't hear my feet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
