you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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