I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize