I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
