I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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