Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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