i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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