she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
